Us bloggers are a funny old bunch aren't we? Think back to before you identified as 'blogger' or 'influencer'.....did you have any idea of what it entailed? Pretty much only aware of Zoella? Yeah me too.
There are some things that bloggers, and only bloggers do.
1. Stand on tables/chairs/benches/people to take photos of food.
Taking pictures of food is no longer strictly for bloggers. Instagram has taken over, everyone's at it these days but it's only the bloggers and vloggers who are up on the counter in the middle of a restaurant demanding the people we're dining with to 'just move that glass 1/2 a centimetre to the right".
2. Scheduling tweets.
Hands down the worst part of blogging is the part none of us even knew was coming. Social media is part and parcel of being an online presence these days and as much as we all claim we blog for us, we all know no bitch is going to see our site if we don't schedule 2838247384673 tweets a day.
3. Not looking for photos.
But have you ever looked directly at the camera for a photo though? Ever asked your Mum/friend to take a photo of you only for them to stand there waiting for you to look their way? Amateurs. We're either looking off the side, probably laughing or playing with our hair, or looking down. Never up cos ain't nobody got time for that double chin view.
4. Move objects for flatlays.
And I'm not talking constructed flatlays, I'm talking when you've opened a bag of mini eggs but it doesn't look quite right. Yes we've all moved a sequin millimetres at a time until we're happy, yes we've all awkwardly shoved a candle an inch whilst holding up a camera to make sure the compisition is right. If you don't feel like you've done a HIIT session afterward did you even photograph anything?
5. Curate an Instagram grid.
Who knew Instagram wasn't just for snaps of your pet and some dimly lit photos of Saturday night in a club? Bloggers, and only bloggers, are aware of just how perfectly constructed that dream Insta grid is and can you really imagine a non blogger searching for UNUM on the app store? No didn't think so.
6. Buying things purely for photos.
You might be forgiven for thinking we buy candles and throws and ornaments for our home or nail varnish and jewellery for actual use - you'd be mistaken. Girl don't blog unless she has a designated 'blog props' basket in her house full of things she's spent half her wage on, only ever destined for behind the camera.
7. Meet strangers off the internet.
Ok so it's not ONLY bloggers who do this but I'd put bets on it's only bloggers who meet up with strangers to have their photos taken or go on Instagram walks. Our Mums and Dads told us not to meet up with people we talk to online and what do we do? We plan events, we drive to their houses, we book holidays with them and we give them our phone numbers. And very rarely do they turn out to be 48 year old men.
8. Scrap all of their free time.
Free time? Downtime? What is the meaning of the word? If you think a blogger is just 'sitting on the sofa catching up with KUWTK' you're trippin. She's also blogging, taking part in 10 simultaneous Twitter chats, fixing her broken links, editing some photos and stalking Instagram. The grind don't stop.
This post is purely in jest, like don't actually meet up with anyone you've spoken to online without knowing who they are, keep yourself safe - you know the drill.